Communicating With Your Partner On Deployment

Communicating With Your Partner On Deployment



Hopefully, you and your service member had a discussion during pre-deployment about how often you'll communicate while he's gone. If you didn't do this before he left, it's not too late to try to establish these expectations now. However, even with a tentative calling or emailing schedule, both you and your service member may struggle to maintain the routine. As much as service members would like to establish a schedule for reaching their loved ones, their missions in a combat zone or operational activities may interfere. As a result, many spouses and partners carry cell phones with them at all times to avoid missing their service member's call.

tone can be mistaken, causing confusion and conflict. Whenever possible, both you and your service member should give one another the benefit of the doubt when something that is expressed in writing just "doesn't seem right." This can save both of you a great deal of frustration. Understanding the limits of the medium goes a long way toward preserving harmony while apart.

The Internet also enables service members to free video and voice software–such as Skype (www.skype.com)–for face-to-face talking. Sometimes, unreliable connections can make video-conferencing difficult, in which case you can switch to voice or text chatting only. Many military installations overseas also offer free video conferencing to their service members.

"Usually we just Skype–that is probably the biggest tool deployed families have. Skype has probably saved marriages and families. It takes away so much separation."
–Air Force spouse

"My husband got to see our daughter crawl for her first time by chance–she was on the floor in the background while video chatting and she started crawling. He got to see her walk for the first time (for him) while on video chat, too."
–Army spouseThe Limits of the Phone

If your service member does not have Internet access, be prepared for brief phone calls. Your service member may be relying on the Defense Satellite Network (DSN), which limits call lengths to fifteen or thirty minutes. During these calls, it's important to use that time to convey positive and supportive messages to one another, encouraging each other to persevere in the relationship. Any problems that you may be having as a couple are not likely to be resolved while your service member is deployed. Think about the meaningful issues you'd like to discuss and focus on those.

"Make the most out of every chance you do have for communication. Don't spend the twenty minutes you have to talk on the phone arguing over small stuff; you will regret it in the long run."
–Air Force spouse
service member or your relationship, consider changing the topic, unless it's an emergency.

"We talk a lot about what we would like to do after deployment, like taking a vacation with his block leave time."
–Army spouse

Try to stay within the parameters you established with your service member in your pre-deployment agreement about what you two would share with one another while separated.

Touching Base With Others

It is important to maintain your communication with friends and family, as they can be a source of strength and support. Conversely, you can provide support to them through checking in periodically with your service member's extended family and friends to update them and keep them involved in your own deployment experiences. You can also touch base with a mentor or other confidantes to make sure that your perspective on the deployment experience is accurate.

This excerpt is provided courtesy of the acclaimed free digital resource "Everyone Serves." Download your free copy with additional media content today

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