Modesty and Sexuality in Halakhic Literature

Modesty and Sexuality in Halakhic Literature

In Brief

Though it is not mentioned in the Bible, the laws of modesty in Jewish life have developed into a significant part of modern halakhic practice. Along with a set of rules for men’s behavior, the rules of modesty are designed to restrain men’s sexual urges, even as the obligations largely fall onto women. These rules are meant to ensure that sex occurs in a way the rabbis view as appropriate. In addition to these rules, the rabbis also regulate sex itself, giving men an obligation to have sex. However, opinions differ across different Jewish movements as to whether that sexuality is to be enjoyed or is merely an obligation to be performed. Modesty remains an important topic in Israeli debates about women’s role in society.

The Concept of Modesty

Modesty (zeni’ut), in its broad sense, represents a mode of moral conduct that is related to humility. A person who behaves modestly refrains from extroverted behavior that is supposed to speak of him- or herself. This expansive view also includes sexual modesty. The Bible contains only two expressions related to the root צ.נ.ע (zaddi-nun-ayin), neither of which is expressly connected with sexual modesty. The prophet Micah (6:8) provides a clear example of this expansive view of modesty: “He has told you, O man, what is good, and what the Lord requires of you: only to do justice and to love goodness, and to walk modestly with your God.” The only other appearance of this root is in Proverbs (11:2): “[...] but wisdom is with the unassuming [zenu’im],” that also is understood as humbleness (“who conceal themselves out of their great humility” [Mezudat Zion]); or as referring to those who possess excellent self-discipline in their search for wisdom and who employ strict methodological rules in this quest (R. Levi ben Gershom).

The Rabbinic literature already makes extensive use of the term in its sexual connotation, albeit still not as its dominant meaning. Thus, the Rabbis find an allusion to sexual content in the statement by Micah:

R. Eleazar said: What is the meaning of what is written [Mic. 6:8]: “He has told you, O man, what is good, and what the Lord requires of you: only to do justice and to love goodness, and to walk modestly with your God"? “Do justice”—this is the law [that may be deduced by human intellect]; “love goodness”—this is acts of lovingkindness; “and to walk modestly with your God”—this is attending to funerals and attending to a bride’s dowry. Can we not draw an a minori ad majus inference: if, regarding matters that are normally performed publicly, the Torah enjoins “to walk modestly,” how much more so as regards matters that are usually performed in private (BT Sukkah 49b).The term “modest” is applied to people who are scrupulous in the observance of the commandments, privately and humbly. Such individuals are called “the modest” (Mishnah Ma’aser Sheni 5:6), “tznu’ei [alternately translated as “the pious,” “the more scrupulous”] of the School of Hillel” (M Demai 6:6), and the like. Women usually are categorized as “modest” in the sexual sense. Thus, the Talmud praises the Matriarch [Sarah], who remained in the tent during the visit by the angels to Abraham, “to inform you that the Matriarch Sarah was modest” (BT Bava Mezia 87a); Rachel, whose modesty was rewarded by having King Saul as a descendant (BT Megillah 13b); Tamar, who covered her face, and was rewarded by having kings and prophets among her descendants (following BT Megillah 10b); and Ruth the Moabite, who took care to glean the sheaves in a modest manner (“she gleaned the standing sheaves standing, and the fallen, sitting” [BT Shabbat 113b]; Rashi: “and she did not bend to take them, out of modesty”). By virtue of the modest behavior that Boaz saw in her, he took her for a wife.

Like “modesty,” the term derekh erez also has a dual meaning in the Rabbinic literature. In addition to representing polite and proper general social conduct, it also embodies instructions and recommendations for fitting sexual behavior (see the introduction by Michael Higger, Higger 1970: 2–3). However, while the sexual connotation came to prevail in the term zeni'ut, this meaning waned for derekh erez.

The Rabbis call immodest sexual behavior “kalut rosh” (literally, frivolity), which is the term used by the Talmud in its description of the separation of men from women that was initiated at the Simhat Beit ha-Sho’evah celebration in Jerusalem:

Our masters taught: Originally, the women used to be inside [i.e., in the Women’s Court], and the men outside, and this led to kalut rosh. It was [consequently] established that the women would sit outside and the men, inside, but this still resulted in kalut rosh. It was [then] established that the women would sit up above [in the gallery], and the men, below (BT Sukkah 51b).

The concept of “modesty” was also infused with a dual meaning in the ethical conduct literature, and especially in the Kabbalistic strain of this genre, with a lack of symmetry in the types of modesty primarily required of men and of women. A representative example of this is provided by the seventeenth-century Kabbalistic book of ethical conduct Shenei Luhot ha-Berit by R. Isaiah Horowitz (1560–1630). In Sha’ar ha-Otiyyot (the “Gate of Letters”), Ot צ (tzaddi), s.v. “zeni'ut,” Horowitz defines the obligation of modesty incumbent on the man as follows:

A man is to be modest in all his ways: in his food and drink, in his speech, in his walking, in his garb, and modest with his wife. As a general rule, all his actions are to be with modesty and shame, for shame is a great attribute. [...] A further great and marvelous, lofty and exalted quality that is included in the attribute of modesty—“walk modestly with your God”—is that of seclusion, that a man seclude himself and sit alone, closed up, within his four cubits of the law.

The modesty required of the woman, in contrast, is almost exclusively limited to the sexual realm:

And certainly, the woman is obligated to be exceedingly modest. All her glory shall be within, and she is to conceal herself from every man in the world in every manner possible. Her eyes shall always be cast down and her speech moderate. Not even the smallest part of her body shall be exposed, so that no man will come to sin through what he sees. [...] Her voice shall not be heard, for a woman’s voice is licentiousness. Not a one of her hairs is to be seen. The Zohar (III: 79a) placed great emphasis on this sin; and even in the most private chambers she must take care.Sources for Laws of Modesty and their Halakhic Status

The Oral Law tradition bases all the legal restrictions pertaining to modesty, and the barriers against arayot (literally, the forbidden incestuous sexual relations; also applied in a more general sense to all forbidden behavior of a sexual nature), on Lev. 18:19: “Do not come near a woman during her period of uncleanness to uncover her nakedness,” even though the verse itself refers to a menstruant woman (niddah). A few other expositions additionally derive the general prohibition of coming near the arayot from Lev. 18:6: “None of you shall come near anyone of his own flesh to uncover nakedness”; while yet others, in the spirit of R. Pedat (and also based on this verse), reject the general prohibition. In contrast with the latter, the legal authorities among the Rishonim (medieval authorities), including Maimonides, preferred Lev. 18:6 over 18:19, possibly because of its less specific nature. (Some of these laws were based on Deut. 23:10: “When you go out as a troop against your enemies, be on your guard against anything untoward.”)

Thus, for example, the Rabbinical exegesis (Sifra, Aharei Mot 9:13):“Do not come near a woman during her period of uncleanness to uncover her nakedness”—this teaches only not to uncover; from whence is [the prohibition] not to come near? Scripture teaches, “Do not come near.” This teaches neither to approach nor to uncover only regarding the menstruant woman; from whence is [the prohibition] neither to approach nor to uncover, regarding all the forbidden sexual relations? Scripture teaches, “Do not come near to uncover.”

“Coming near to the forbidden sexual relations” includes all the forms of behavior that entail sexual stimulation and therefore is identical with the strictures of modesty. This exposition raises “coming near” to the status of a Torah prohibition; in contrast, the Talmud contains the dissenting opinion of R. Pedat, that all the laws of modesty are of Rabbinical origin: “This disagrees with R. Pedat, for R. Pedat said: the Torah forbade only the intimacy of the forbidden sexual relations, as it is said, ‘None of you shall come near anyone of his own flesh to uncover nakedness’” (BT Shabbat 13a).

This Talmudic disagreement concerning the status of the modesty strictures was continued by the Rishonim and is expressed in the difference of opinion between Maimonides and Nahmanides in Sefer ha-Mizvot (Prohibition 353). Maimonides (1138–1205) includes in his count of the 613 commandments the modesty strictures encompassed in “coming near” the forbidden relations (Chavel 1967: 319–320), Negative Commandment 353: Intimacy with a kinswoman. He writes:

By this prohibition we are forbidden to seek pleasure in contact with any kinswoman who is within the prohibited degrees, even though it does not go beyond such endearments as embracing, kissing and the like. The prohibition of such conduct is contained in His words (exalted be He), “None of you shall approach to any that is near of kin to him, to uncover their nakedness” [Lev. 18:6], which have the same meaning as if He had said: ‘You shall not approach them in a way which might lead to forbidden intercourse.’

In contrast, Nahmanides (1195–1270), based, inter alia, on an analysis of the Talmudic discussion in which R. Pedat’s view is presented, maintains that

According to a study of the Talmud, it is not the case that “coming near” that does not entail the uncovering of nakedness, such as embracing and kissing, [constitutes the violation of] a [Torah] prohibition and [is punishable by] lashes. [...] We understand from them that for them this is a Rabbinical prohibition [...] and Scripture is merely a support. There are many similar instances in Sifra and Sifrei.

Following R. Pedat, Nahmanides also is of the opinion that “coming near” the forbidden relatives refers to the actual act of intercourse: According to him, the Rabbis do not disagree with R. Pedat on this point.

The second verse on which some of the modesty strictures are based is from Deuteronomy (23:10): “When you go out as a troop against your enemies, be on your guard against anything untoward.” Various expositions use this verse as a general Biblical foundation for modest and restrained behavior, including a caution against sexual stimuli. This comprehensive warning includes different prohibitions, such as that of gazing at a woman and even of looking at her clothing, as well as looking at coupling animals (BT Avodah Zarah 20a–b; in the parallels, such as Sifrei on Deuteronomy, 254:10, the exegesis of this verse is not limited to modesty in the sexual sphere. A Talmudic tradition (BT Sanhedrin 75a) relates:

A man once set his eyes upon a certain woman, and his heart was consumed by passion [thus endangering his health]. The physicians were consulted, and they said, There is no cure for him until she cohabits. The Rabbis replied: Let him die rather then she should submit to him. [Additional suggestions, and the responses by the Rabbis:] Let her stand before him naked—Let him die rather than her standing naked before him. Let her converse with him from behind a fence—Let him die rather than her conversing with him from behind a fence.

The discussion in the Talmud does not rule out the possibility of this woman being unmarried, but the lovestruck man is nevertheless barred from marrying her, so that, among other reasons that are advanced, “the daughters of Israel would not be immodest in matters of sexual intimacy.” This tradition, which teaches of the gravity of sinful thoughts and the power of the erotic urge, became a normative constitutive tradition, to this day, in many works discussing modesty.

The Jewish Approach to Sexuality and the Bounds of ModestyThus, for example, some Talmudic sources praise the individual who denies himself pleasure while performing the sexual act, as in the following Talmudic vignette (that would eventually become a constitutive source for the orientations favoring abstinence) featuring Imma Shalom, who praised her husband’s conduct with her:

Imma Shalom, the wife of R. Eliezer and the sister of Rabban Gamaliel, was asked: “Why are your children beautiful? During intercourse, how does [your husband] conduct himself towards you?” She replied, “[...] [During intercourse] he uncovers a handbreadth and covers a handbreadth, and it is as though he was urged on by a demon.”

(Tractate Kallah 1:10 [Rabbinowitz 1984: 50b(2)], and parallels)

Recommendations in a similar vein, to conduct sexual relations with maximal avoidance of the accompanying pleasure, were developed as general norms in the twelfth and thirteenth centuries. The book Ba’alei ha-Nefesh by the Provence sage R. Abraham ben David of Posqueires (Rabad, 1125–1198) was highly influential in this direction. He observes that a man who engages in relations with his wife for the sole purpose of “sating his lust with earthly pleasures is [...] distant from reward, and close to perdition”

Having the proper intent (of fulfilling the religious obligation) while engaging in sexual relations is capable of elevating the sexual act to the level of sanctity. Under Rabad’s influence, R. Jacob ben Asher (1270–1343) formulated the following general advice, which is not directed solely to exceptional individuals:

And also when he is with her, he should not think of his pleasure, but rather as a person who is repaying the debt that he owes, as regards her conjugal relations, and to fulfill the commandment of his Creator (Arba Turim, Orah Hayyim 240).

A corresponding example of a negative approach is given by R. Joseph Hayyim (Ben Ish Hai), one of the leading rabbis of Baghdad in the nineteenth century, who incorporated halakhah and Kabbalah in his legal rulings; Even as regards religiously obligatory marital relations, R. Joseph Hayyim advises the couple to refrain to the greatest extent possible from foreplay, which he defines as “hideousness.” Needless to say, only participation by the male is the subject of discussion. The woman’s cravings and desires are not on the agenda, except, of course, for her basic right to onah. Ascetic ideals, that are fed from R. Joseph Hayyim’s demonic worldview, are incorporated in the very sexual act.

Significantly, the praise for maximal avoidance of pleasure while engaging in the sexual act is reserved solely for the husband, and not the wife. She is permitted, and entitled, to demand that her husband engage in relations with her while she is completely nude, and to fully experience physical pleasure. No known source praises women for abstention or limiting their sexual enjoyment.The second model considers sexual desire as a simulation of the experience of religious devotion, as a source of inspiration for the esteem to be afforded the intensity and nature of such devotion. Elijah de Vidas [Safed, 1545–1582], for example, states outright in his book Reshit Hokhmah, Sha’ar ha-Ahavah [the Gate of Love], chap. 4, in the name of R. Isaac of Acco, that “whoever does not desire a woman is comparable to a donkey, and even inferior to it. The reason is that the one who becomes excited [from the sexual act] must have a sense of divine worship.”

The third model regards the sexual experience as a symbolization that results in a transformation directed toward the experience of religious devotion:

By his seeing this [worldly] Rachel, Jacob cleaved to the heavenly Rachel, for all of the worldly Rachel’s beauty came from the heavenly one. [...] Man is not permitted to cleave to this worldly beauty. If, however, he is suddenly confronted by it, he must adhere by means of this beauty to the beauty of the upper spheres” (Maggid of Mezhirech, Maggid Devarav le-Ya’akov, 29–30).

These three different models appear in the world of Torah scholars who engage in study while experiencing the love of the Torah; in the world of philosophers, who “are absorbed in the love of the Lord” and are immersed in the attainment of the divine truths; and in the world of Kabbalists who seek the experience of adherence to God.

Various normative directives were derived from these positions, which were also the foundation for the fashioning of different general ethics of social conduct in the sexual realm, from the positive views that afforded full legitimacy to sexual gratification (within the accepted halakhic bounds) to the negative opinions that advocate self-restraint or even asceticism. These divergent positions are to be found in various circles, in the ethical conduct, Kabbalistic and Hasidic literaturesThe Different Images of Man and Woman and the Consequent Imposition of Modesty Strictures

The limitations of modesty imposed on the woman are different from those incumbent upon the male. These distinctions ensue, inter alia, from disparate conceptions of the qualities of the woman, that were contrasted with male characteristics; the features attributed by Jewish tradition to the female were used to justify the limitations of modesty imposed upon them. It should be noted that the female image formulated below will necessarily be partial and not balanced. The traditional Jewish feminine image in antiquity and in the medieval period was based not only on Scripture and its interpretive tradition, but also on the scientific theories of those periods (see Barkai 1987; idem, 1995), which are responsible for the similar image of women in the Jewish, Islamic, and Christian cultures.The Female Image

According to Midrash Rabbah, God already took the proper steps at the creation of the woman so that she would be inherently modest, but to no avail.

When the woman was seduced by the serpent, she acquired the quality of seduction. Consequently, women effortlessly seduce men, and may themselves be easily seduced, and their modesty must be scrupulously maintained.

The apprehensions concerning women and their sexuality intensified in the medieval period. Rabbenu Bahya ben Asher (died ca. 1340) developed the thought set forth in the Midrash: “The serpent is in close proximity [in the Torah] to the woman, because Satan was created together with her, she is the embodiment of the evil inclination, and she is easily tempted” (commentary on the Torah, Gen. 3:1). The woman’s sexual appetite is great; she possesses demonic powers, by means of which she tempts males, and even places their lives in danger.

The Midrash (Num. Rabbah [ed. Vilna], para. 9) also asks: “How is she more bitter than death? Because she causes him anguish in this world, for his going astray after her; and in the end, she brings him down to Gehinnom.” According to Rabbenu Jonah ben Abraham Gerondi (1180–1263), in his commentary on M Avot 1:5, the female power of seduction is a danger greater than that of death.

The woman’s demonic power is especially great during her menstrual period—a notion that intensified the severity of the measures to be taken to keep one’s distance from a woman in this condition Based on these popular notions, menstruant women imposed various stringencies on themselves that exceeded the demands of the halakhah. R. Meir ha-Kohen of Rothenburg, the author of Haggahot Maimuniyyot, attests that “women would be stringent with themselves and seclude themselves during their menstrual period; they would not enter the synagogue, and even when praying, they would not stand before their fellow women.”

Many sources link women with sorcery, a tie that intensified after the Zohar connected this black art with the uncleanness that the serpent imparted to the woman in the Garden of Eden. In consequence, sorcery became an essentially female trait that is not dependent upon changeable educational, social or environmental factors. This image amplified the obligation to keep one’s distance from women, and women were burdened with a series of restrictions and requirements imposed by vow so that they would not cause men to sin.The variegated notions of family structure and the woman’s significance and defined role in the family unit also influenced the regulations governing modest behavior. Conceptions of feminine attributes and God’s intent in creating woman aided in defining her place and in establishing the clear gender division of roles in the family many traditional commentators based their definition of the status of the woman in the family on the verse “but for Adam no fitting helper was found” [Gen. 2:20]). These conceptions were still used by Rabbi Abraham Isaac Kook in the twentieth century as part of his argumentation for denying women the right to vote; he went so far as to define female suffrage as opposed to “the law of Moses and Jewish practice [dat Moshe ve-Yehudit; see below]” (see Friedman 1967: 167; Hirschensohn 1919: vol. 2, 206–209; Zohar 2003: 208–223; Cohen 1989: 51–62). At the height of the women’s suffrage controversy in Erez Israel, Rabbi Kook wrote in 1920:

The family is for us the foundation of the nation [...] the accepted view is that she must go forth, specifically, from the house, from the perfection of her family [i.e., as an integral unit], and the husband, the head of the family, who is to represent the family position, is compelled to send her forth to the public domain (see Kook, Iggerot ha-Re’ayah: vol. 4, 50).

In an unpublished letter to his family in 1927 he wrote: “‘A woman of valor’ is exempt from this entire catastrophe. She was created to ‘oversee the activities of her household.’”

The bounds of modesty were also influenced by the part played by women in earning the family’s livelihood. In medieval Europe, large numbers of women engaged in varied areas of economic activity to augment the family livelihood, more than in Spain and the Islamic lands.

The absorption and internalization by halakhic authorities in recent generations of modern egalitarian and nonhierarchical gender conceptions resulted in a different reading and renewed interpretation of the bounds of modesty. These positions find prominent expression in the writings of the rabbis Ben-Zion Meir Ouziel and Hayyim Hirschensohn, who did not regard women’s participation in public activity or their holding of public positions as exceeding the bounds of modesty